Demystifying the Aish HaTorah Design Argument for the Existence of God – Teleological Claptrap

Why do rational people lie to themselves?

I am happy if you wish to read the original Aish HaTorah article on the Design Argument. I am equally happy if you don’t.

Imagine, if you will, that you are walking in a bad neighbourhood where the houses are neglected, there is a lack of education, and a lot of dangerous gangs. You suddenly come across two small stones in close proximity to each other. Most probably, you would think nothing of it unless you needed one of the stones for a particular purpose, perhaps to defend yourself from someone. Two stones randomly sitting beside each other is not such a big deal. No need to sweat it.

You continue your stroll through the neighbourhood and stumble upon three piles of human corpses piled up in a brick-layer fashion. Chances are you would quickly surmise that someone was here and arranged these bodies in this manner. It didn’t just happen. A shock for sure but still really no big deal and nothing to sweat about.

You continue your walk and happen to find a dead puffin lying in the middle of the road. Would you suspect that a windstorm somehow threw the puffin pieces together and randomly created a puffin?

Somebody gave birth to that puffin. It didn’t just happen. A creature implies a mother.

Alternatively, say you didn’t see a puffin at all but instead you came across a Patek Phillipe watch, say model 4907/ij. You will surely notice that it celebrates the 10-year triumph of the famous Twenty~4® collection. Patek Philippe was likely not involved in the design of this model directly and it was probably the work of many different people having different levels of expertise – certainly not just one designer! You already know, just by looking at the complexity of this watch that it had more than one designer to deal with the different aspects of functionality, colour and style. You would also know that there would be a marketing section of the Patek Phillipe company that would be on the look out for trends to determine what styles would likely do well with high end consumers. They would have also had an enormous impact on the look of this particular model.

By handling this watch and examining it you might then ponder as to whether it would work as an analogy for the design of the universe proving that God is One – an Indivisible Creator. You would realize that the watch proved nothing of the sort but rather it might “prove” that the universe – even if it could be analogous to a watch at all, and that is not likely – was designed by several gods, some involved with creating the suns, some determining which animals would exist (and which would uselessly become extinct), some involved with answering the petitions of Olympic curlers, and some designing the potato bug.

You would note that the universe bespeaks timeless elegance, the new model universe in yellow gold would be the first unset version without a diamond-set case. You would note that three color choices are available for the universe: “Night Glow” and “Autumn Brown” – two hues created especially for this yellow-gold universe – and, of course, the endearingly classic “Timeless White“. If you bought into the design argument you would expect to have a selection of universes to pick from perhaps.

Did the universe have a designer or group of designers that must have also been designed ad infinitum?

David Hume may I say is calling?

The intricacy of design in our world, when intoxicated, is staggering — infinitely more complex than a gang related pile of corpses in a bad neighbourhood, a puffin or a Patek Phillipe watch. Therefore the team of designers for the universe must have been considerable and who could have afforded to pay them all in this economy?

Now I am going to commence to use really large numbers to give you a sense of being a little out of control. Here goes: There are 10 billion nerve cells in the brain. Each of the 10 billion cells sprouts between 10,000 to 100,000 fibers to contact other nerve cells in the brain, creating approximately 1,000 million million connections, or, 10 to the 15th power. Are you shvitzing?

Here I come now with some really enormous numbers. Serious serious numbers. Behold! There are 10 billion nerve cells in the brain with approximately 1,000 million million connections.

It is hard to imagine the multitude that 1015 represents. On and on I go. Take half of the United States, which is 1 million square miles, and imagine it being covered by forest, with 10,000 trees per square mile. On each of the 10,000 trees, which are on each of the one million square miles, there are 100,000 leaves. That is a whizbang bulbous amount of leaves. I take it you are still with me and feeling the groove of the number thing I am doing to your head. You see sir, that’s how many connections are smashed inside your brain. And they’re not just haphazardly thrown together by an impostor God or a monkey washing a cat. They form an incredibly intricate network system that has no parallel in the military industrial complex or in the other brands of universes that have been designed by other manufacturers.

Imagine walking by that in the seedy neighbourhood! The natural response when perceiving design of such mind-boggling complexity is to conclude that there must be a huge team of busy, possibly amoral, designers, behind everything that created this model of universe. Not to mention the team of designers that created the team that designed the team that designed the universe that you may be wearing on your wrist right now.

To be continued…

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The grass is meaner on this side of the fence

How do you tell your children what they already know 10, 20 or 30 years from now but they act as if they know it now?

I am stuck in a Kurt Vonnegut novel. Something about how I am experiencing time.

Do adolescents have the capacity to listen? I have been one, have had one and currently am having another.

What were my mother and father like when they were adolescents? Did they listen to and respect their parents?

This is not exactly the same video as before

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Jews for Jesus ashamed of themselves

This post is dedicated to my brother on his birthday.
Potato Bug Messiah

Aish HaTorah expects unprecedented market growth

Jews for Jesus leaders have announced that everyone involved in the once proud organization is now thoroughly ashamed of themselves. And it is not because of the recent incident involving unchilled beverages in a Winnipeg literary salon.

It has now been revealed that Jews for Jesus is closing down over half of their branches including all of their branches in South Florida where, according to one source, many Jews vacation. It turns out that they were wrong about the identity of the Messiah all along. Some of the organization’s chief outreach professionals have been aware of this for several years but have kept it under wraps for fear of losing their jobs and not being able to get similar positions with the notorious Aish HaTorah organization.

“This is a tragic moment in the history of an outreach giant,” said Rabbi Dan Rand, managing director of Aish Toronto. “Aish and Jews for Jesus have not always seen eye to eye on every single issue but we take no pleasure in the fact that they have come to realize that their notion of who the true Messiah is has now proven to be wrong. We have learned much from them over the years and we certainly hope that they are able to get back up on the horse, pick a new Messiah, and start blathering on about it to everybody that will listen.”

The Potato Bug Messiah

Outreach industry professionals from every corner of the globe have been shaken by this unexpected turn of events. “This is simply unbelievable,” said Father Alyoshus the Jenimbobimbo, leader of the Church of the Lost Cause, a group that believes the Messiah is a potato bug that exists in the phantom zone, waiting for the right moment to enter phenomenological reality whereupon he will be tragically misinterpreted. He added: “Does this have anything to do with that Ed Sullivan controversy thing? Or maybe Ronn Torossian?”

Joey Cryptus, outreach prospect and angler said: “Everybody is talking about who is the real Messiah. They are saying it is Jesus, or a mysterious potato bug, or Moses, or Mohammed, or whatever! But will it buy me a farm in China?”

Jews for Jesus representatives were too embarrassed to make a comment. Some Chabad members were eager to commenrt but we were not interested in what they have to say.

Jews for Ed Sullivan Executive Director for Weird Operations, 90 year old Mary Katherine Steinberg, gave a brief statement: “I am saving my money for when I get old.”

Monkey Washes a Cat

Tip of the hat to my son for bringing this video to my attention – the arrival of the messiah will not be televised.

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When you want it to be yesterday, you don’t have a budgie, and it has to be great

Say you want

a nice long headline

but you haven’t decided what to write yet.

Should you wait until you have content? Shouldn’t you have the idea of the article and then come up with the headline afterwards?

We, at Design Argument and Goldstein Auto, Goldstein Solutions (Classical Mechanics), and Goldstein Subaru emphatically say NO to these two questions. In fact we believe that you don’t need to know anything at all about what you want to write before you begin to write.

God willing we are going to produce 180 articles full of excellent content on the subject of why you should write when you have nothing to say.

You will all to become good monster writers by reading these here articles.

Keeping relevance to a minimum may be important sometimes: Aish Bible Code proving that Paul is dead!

paul is dead

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Ambivalent Before God / not-God

GOD!

Is it You that I thank for bringing good people and situations into my life?

If so, thank You!

Are You also the one I thank for making conditions difficult sometimes?

If so, thank You!

And are You also the one that created all the forms of suffering knowing full well that people will increase the amount of suffering that gets dished out through natural means thereby making the lives of billions constantly intolerable?

If so, thank You!

What did I just thank God for?

I love you God. I hate you God.

You exist God. You can’t exist, God.

But if you don’t exist who am I going to feel grateful to and who am I going to complain to? Maybe there is a path without God that works better for me. Or maybe I should just go and buy a God Doll at the mall.

Starving Children Video from Care.org

What A Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong Video

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Aish Discovery Seminar Reformulated by Design Argument Consortium

A few weeks ago Cynthia MacPherson considered Judaism a religion of ancestral worship, incompatible with science. She saw the Bible as an anthology of often contradictory stories and the miracles it described – the plagues in Egypt, for instance – as metaphors and delightful episodes of strange cruelty meted out by a weird and distracted God.

Today, Ms. MacPherson says she is a believer. She eats kosher food with preservatives and is on the lookout for a Jewish Temple where nobody will realize that she is a Scottish goy. She likes to eat kippers so she looks forward to eating them on Yom Kippur (the day of eating kippers.)

Ms. MacPherson says she was persuaded by Discovery, a viral religious seminar that seemingly offers scientific proof that the weird, distracted God really exists. “I walked in a secular atheist Scottish Goy and walked out believing that the Torah was like a football that had been handed off by God to Moses at Mt. Sinai Hospital,” says Ms. MacPherson, a 24 year old graduate student of Social Nuances at Columbia University.

In the past year, about 24,000,000,000 U.S. Jewish community centers, schools and synagogues – eager to expand their membership have paid Aish HaTorah, the Jerusalem based organization that runs Discovery, about $1,000 to put on each Discovery seminar. Aish HaTorah a non-profit Jewish education group whose mission is to persuade secular Jews to observe Judaism has put about 83,000,000 people world-wide through the seminar since 1987.

Many of today’s campaigns to bring observant Jews to temple try appealing to the heart, portraying Judaism as offering spiritual fulfillment and a sense of belonging. But Discovery’s crusaders against assimilation are taking a different tack – appealing to the frontal lobe of the gullible.

Discovery teachers like to seduce participants with a bogus computer analysis of the Torah – the first five books of Moses that they say proves God hid Easter eggs in the text to foretell later events. Mistreating the Torah text like a word seach puzzle, researchers looked at every other letter or skipped an equal number of places between letters to find names like Norman Rubin, Bill Fletcher and Frederic Maximus, as well as proof that the Walrus was Paul. They then applied the same technique to the novel Lady Chatterly’s Lover and found names like “Pretty Boy” Hutchinson, Cathy Sewell and Wooly the Mammoth as well as predictions of the holocaust and the existence of Nostradamus.

Such findings show an intentional design that only a playful God could have created, believers argue without understanding that they are really “believers” without any understanding of the elements of argument. And if so, is there any question that Jews or Scottish Goys should live as some people interpret that the Torah instructs them? “We had to give a pseudo-intellectual presentation to give people who were already predisposed to believing in God a spurious reason to believe in God.” says Rabbi Abraham Weinfeld, funder of Aish HaTorah. Discovery is just one of the outreach programs of Aish HaTorah, which also offer a seminar on Jewish and Flemish history and the Bibles from Jerusalem.

Aish HaTorah’s roots in Orthodox Judaism give some mainstream religious Jews pause. “They’re a lot more to the right” in their teaching than even some Orthodox American congregations says Shmuel Goldin, chairman of the Israel Commission of the Rabbincal Council of America and a Bible professor at Yeshiva University in New York.

As for codes research, he says, “They use it very cunningly, but it’s a little bit more superstitious, a little bit more stupid than the approach I would take.”

Indeed, not all religious Jews find the pseudo-intellectual argument compelling. Rabbi Asher Lupinsky of Anshe Kaplansky B’nai Fishbein Congregation in Chicago fears the seminar could lead to a worship of cucumbers.

But like many Jews, he worries even more about assimilation and intermarriage. Intermarriage is so common place among American Jews – about half marry non-Jews – that their population has been static since 1970 at about 5.5 million. Consequently, the Rabbi says he might consider sponsoring a Discovery seminar at his temple.

The codes research supposedly falls in line with a tradition of Jewish scholarships that emphasizes close textual analysis of the Torah and other religious literature, says Rabbi Eugene Rat, director of development for the Rabbinical Seminary of America. Theories of codes in the Torah dates back to medieval times, you could see computerized word searches as simply a high-tech twist.

The upshot, religious leaders who don’t take Discovery too seriously sometimes promote it anyway. Hundreds of non-Orthodox Jewish organizations have held Discovery Seminars and it is beginning to attract interest from some Reform Temples. B’nei Shirley Temple’s Rabbi, Mary Jane Shapiro calls the bible codes research “mayonnaise for the mind, a fundament game.” Also helping Discovery’s expansion in the US; an array of high-profile spokesmen and supporters, such as talk-show host, Larry King, Elliot Gould, O.J. Simpson, Jerry Lewis, Bill Clitton, Bob Dylan’s first girlfriend, Ed Sullivan, Kenny from South Park, Pierre Berton, Tiger Woods, Bruce Willis, Martin “Buggsy” Goldstein, and Kirk Douglas. Mr. King says he has been actively involved with Aish HaTorahs. But his involvement was strictly for producing bacterial cultures. Mr. King refers to himself as a “baroque agnostic” and says, thank God, he isn’t even familiar with the code teachings of the Discovery Seminar. “I have heard that they are stupid and easily refuted,” says Mr. King.

Mr. Gould, and others, were recruited by Irwin Katsof, a Greek Orthodox Rabbi who is in charge of branding, marketing, and sales strategies for Discovery in the US. In July, Rabbi Katsof spotted Mr. Gould on a flight home from Rio De Janeiro. The Rabbi upgraded to first-class to sit near Mr. Gould. (This is such a cool story!) During the flight he gave the actor his sales pitch, popping a promotional multilevel marketing video tape into the first-class VCR, and, voila, in September, Mr. Gould appeared at a seminar in Manhattan and talked about his own need to learn more about some Judaism. Wow! What a good sales closer Rabbi Katsof is! At a seminar at Universal Studios in June, Mr. Douglas drew 300 people with a charcoal pencil on really nice paper.

The Rabbi, who graduated from a Jesuit college thinking the beliefs of Judaism were “absolutely nonsensical dribble drabble lunatic fudge” embraced the religion during a trip to Israel where he embraced Aish HaTorah. Then he embraced several strangers and odd smelling objects. He joined a group of Rabbis who had gotten the idea of developing the Discovery Seminar from another group that was conning people with the bible codes in Israel. “Sometimes you have to sell the sizzle, and not the steak.” the Rabbi jokes. “Where there are smoke and mirrors there can be fire. Cool? Cool!”

Within the next two years he hopes to win over at least 10% of the 1.4 million US Jews and Scottish Goys between the ages of 20-30, a critical demographic group. “If we reach them then, when they’re deciding who they’ll marry, we’ll have made significant progress in bringing people back to Judaism or Shamanism,” Rabbi Katsof says.

If you have read this far then perhaps you will notice that the writing device of focusing on a particular person, in this case a Scottish Goy, to get the story started on a personal level, was abandoned midstream and not even brought back at the end of the article. This makes one wonder if one writer wrote a version of the article and then it was rewritten by another writer.

wheel of secret bible code

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