Author Archives: Poetry Hammer

Aish Hatorah, Obsession, Ron Torossian, and Radical Self-Deception

Martin Goldstein, who has recovered magnificently and should be returning to the Design Argument site very soon, has asked me to post the following article by Jeffrey Goldberg on the Design Argument blog. He knows that the article is not going to appear funny or poetic to other people but Martin shrieks with laughter whenever he reads this article. Here it is.

Now Jeffrey Goldberg has joined the chorus of critics:

Aish HaTorah denies any direct connection to the film (Obsession), which is designed to make naive Americans believe that B-52s filled with radical jihadists are about to carpet-bomb their churches, and are only awaiting Barack Obama’s ascension to launch the attack. But the manifold connections, as laid out in this article, among others, make it clear that high-level officials of Aish are up to their chins in this project. The most disreputable flack in New York, Ronn Torossian, who represents Aish, makes an appearance in this story, which was to be expected: Torossian last made the news when he employed sock-puppetry in defense of one of his many indefensible clients, Agriprocessors, Inc., the Luvavitch-owned kosher slaughterhouse that treats its employees nearly as badly as it treats its animals, which is saying something, because Agriprocessor slaughterers have been filmed ripping out the tracheas of living cattle.

But I digress. It’s said of Ronn Torossian that he represents “right-wing” Israeli politicians, but this description does not do his clients justice. “Right-wing” is Bibi Netanyahu. Torossian represents the lunatic fringe. Several years ago, in one of my only encounters with him, he introduced me to Benny Elon, a rabbi and settler leader who was then Israel’s tourism minister, and who, at various points in his career, has more or less advocated the ethnic cleansing of Israel of its Arab citizens. At one point, when Elon had gone to take a telephone call, Torossian and I started talking about Israel’s right to reprisal for terrorist attacks. I was arguing in favor of some sort of proportionality (this was after Jenin, in which the Israeli army chose to root out terrorism block by block rather than bomb the city from the air) but Torossian interrupted: “I think we should kill a hundred Arabs or a thousand Arabs for every one Jew they kill.” I was somewhat taken aback, of course, because this is a Nazi idea, rather than a Jewish idea. I asked him to explicate: “If someone from a town blows himself up and kills Jews, we should wipe out the town he’s from, kill them all. The Israelis are suckers. They should have destroyed Jenin.” He went on like this for some time. I would only note that Torossian, to the best of my knowledge, never volunteered for the Israeli army, so he seemed to me by definition a chickenhawk.

Torossian’s attitude toward Arabs and toward the peace process are echoed in the approach of Aish HaTorah, which is just about the most fundamentalist movement in Judaism today. Its operatives flourish in the radical belt of Jewish settlements just south of Nablus, in the northern West Bank, and their outposts across the world propagandize on behalf of a particularly sterile, sexist and revanchist brand of Judaism. Which is amusing, of course, because “Obsession” is meant to expose a particularly sterile, sexist and racist brand of Islam.

The tragedy of “Obsession” is not that it is wrong; the tragedy is that it takes a serious issue, and a serious threat—that of Islamism—and makes it into a cartoon. Its central argument is that the “Islamofascism” of today is not only the equivalent of Nazism, but worse than Nazism. This is quite a thing for a Jewish organization to argue. One of the featured speakers in “Obsession” is a self-described “former PLO terrorist” named Walid Shoebat, who argues on film that a “secular dogma like Nazism is less dangerous than Islamofascism is today.”

The previous Aish Rebbe

The previous Aish Rebbe

This is lunacy, of course. Islamism isn’t Nazism. It’s bad enough without being labeled Nazism. Martin Gilbert, the biographer of Churchill, shows up in the film as well, and doesn’t cover himself in glory: “History has an unfortunate habit of always repeating itself,” he says. Always? Does this mean that the Arabs are right now constructing death camps for the Jewish citizens of Israel?

Just unbelievable, but the most unbelievable part of the “Obsession” campaign is its timing: What does this film have to do with Barack Obama? The film is meant to suggest that Obama will provide aid and comfort to Islamism, or is an Islamist himself. There is not one shred of proof on this planet that Barack Obama is anything other than an Israel-supporting Christian. Yes, he went to party with Rashid Khalidi. So did I. Does that make me a member of Hezbollah?

The current Aish Rebber

The current Aish Rebbe

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Avoid Bogart-Bacall Syndrome

This purpose of this post is to move the picture of Lauren Bacall of the previous post further down the page.

The Bogart-Bacall Syndrome

What happens when you speak lower than your vocal comfort zone for continuous periods of time?

You might adopt that Hollywood sound Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall were famous for, but you may get more than just the sound… you might get the syndrome!

On aish.com it says: “In his newest movie, “Diamonds,” Michael Douglas stars as a former boxing champion who, in his twilight years, is a widower recovering from a stroke. The movie’s title is inspired by its plot, where his character teams up with his son and grandson to recover some diamonds they suspect were stolen from him. It also stars Dan Ackroyd and Lauren Bacall.”

Lauren Bacall was born Betty Joan Perske on September 16, 1924, the only child of William and Natalie (Weinstein-Bacal) Perske. Her father was a salesman from Alsace; her mother, the daughter of German-Rumanian immigrants, worked as an executive secretary. After they were divorced, her mother took the “Bacal” part of her maiden name. (Later, Bacall added another “l”, and “Lauren” was a Hollywood addition.)

Lauren Bacall Whistle

Evidence that we ignore that Impermanence is built into the design of the universe

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Nurse Crystal and the Goldstein Solution

If all we wanted were Goldstein Problems and Goldstein Solutions then what fun would life be? Fortunately we have Nurse Crystal (shown below in her attire and attitude when she is not working as a nurse at the Saint Menachem Mendel Centre for Rehabilitation and Harlotry.) Crystal is the executive directrix of Harlotry Operations at Saint Menachem Mendel.

It is stated again that Martin has no plans to begin a company named either Goldstein Auto or Goldstein Subaru.

Crystal merges with Lauren Bacall in this photograph of a female human being designed by Design Energy Consortium

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Big Coconuts

Song by Poetry Hammer, performed by Martin Goldstein and Design Argument at the Saint Menachem Mendel Centre for Rehabilitation and Harlotry

I got a thousand dollar suit
And a mighty big cheroot
But I gotta get through to you
Don’t want your toodle-oo

Sentimental fool around with you
Sad sack ain’t new to you
Yeah I’m gonna be true to you
Watch your Daddy get zooed

‘Cause you got big coconuts
Crazy big coconuts
Cruel you

You were Cassandra in my high school
Pollyanna in my swimming pool
I can’t listen to the daily news
I’m back in Ghana with my pito booze

I send a message with my sports car
I got a shiny new sushi bar
I can’t hear you when you live so far
I want to take you to my flower jar

Yes you got big coconuts
Crazy big coconuts
Cruel you

Fat cat in the chat room
Got tanked with Willy
Had tea with Tilly
Now I’m point blank silly

I own a fashion institute
Sloop Daddy want to shmooze with you
Don’t panic, keep your fuse
Look at Daddy’s new shoes

Ain’t you got big coconuts
Crazy big coconuts
Cruel you

(I am a sailor of the zodiac,
I ain’t no maniac)

The Chairman of the Board and Dino listen to “Big Coconuts” at Saint Menachem Mendel’s Centre for Rehabilitation and Harlotry

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Goldstein Report

While I try to figure out what to write, I thought I should provide Design Argument readers with a Goldstein Report so you could all know what is going on with the primary author of general content for this very busy blog.

First I would like to correct an assumption made by many readers that he will be opening a car dealership under the name Goldstein Auto or under the name Goldstein Subaru. He has no such plans.

Martin Goldstein is feeling much better than he was but his doctors and caregivers are encouraging him not to get back into the fray for some time. As he is not allowed to go near a computer under any circumstances a scribe is writing all emails and comments addressed to him with feather quill on parchment-cured, tanned, scraped and prepared according to exacting specifications and using the intricate calligraphic guidelines of Ashurite Script. When he is well enough, he reads the messages himself. When he is bedridden, a professional town crier shouts the messages to him.

He has fallen in love with one of the nurses at the hospital and is involved in a deep and intimate relationship with her. He has begun three new books, tentatively titled: “If God is so good from a human point of view, then why is God so bad from a human point of view?” and “A Competitive Synergy: Jews for Jesus, Chabad, and Aish Hatorah.” and “Is the Glass Half Empty Or Is It Just Broken?”.

I will be posting poems in the very near future if such be the design of God.

Yours in Ed Sullivan,

Poetry Hammer

Martin Goldstein undergoing the highly controversial Gamma Orneation procedure performed by Nurse Crystal and her assistant.

goldstein treatment

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Poetry Hammer takes over for a while

After the last few posts Martin Goldstein has too much irony in his blood and is in rehab. He has also received threats from some of the organizations that he has been posting about and this has resulted in further distress. He is going to lay low for an indefinite period of time. He wished for me to extend his appreciation to his many fans for their ongoing support.

I, Poetry Hammer, will be serving up posts for a while until Martin is better and feels safe to post again.

I will be working with other authors to provide you with continued high quality Design Arguments.

Goldstein wanted me to post this picture of one of the groups that he is working with at his rehab centre. Thank you for your understanding.

rehabgroup

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