The LORD will smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore boil, whereof thou canst not be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the crown of thy head.
Everybody has a favourite part of the bible. My favourite part is when God issues a slate of horrible curses.
Deuteronomy Chapter 28:15 But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all His commandments and His statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee.
Here comes some fun. Let us imbibe each curse and enjoy! Remember that this is a God concept that will harm you if you don’t do what It tells you to. I am not sure how that it fits in with modern motivational theory, but it sure is scary. When something is scary like this you either fall in line like an obedient slave or you run hard in the other direction. Another thing you might do is dismiss it all as pure nonsense.
They ate the wrong food so they were cursed.
16 Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
17 Cursed shall be thy basket and thy kneading-trough.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
18 Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy land, the increase of thy kine, and the young of thy flock.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
19 Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
20 The LORD will send upon thee cursing, discomfiture, and rebuke, in all that thou puttest thy hand unto to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly; because of the evil of thy doings, whereby thou hast forsaken Me.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
21 The LORD will make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until He have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest in to possess it.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
22 The LORD will smite thee with consumption, and with fever, and with inflammation, and with fiery heat, and with drought, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
23 And thy heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
24 The LORD will make the rain of thy land powder and dust; from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
25 The LORD will cause thee to be smitten before thine enemies; thou shalt go out one way against them, and shalt flee seven ways before them; and thou shalt be a horror unto all the kingdoms of the earth.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
26 And thy carcasses shall be food unto all fowls of the air, and unto the beasts of the earth, and there shall be none to frighten them away.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
27 The LORD will smite thee with the boil of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
28 The LORD will smite thee with madness, and with blindness, and with astonishment of heart.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
29 And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not make thy ways prosperous; and thou shalt be only oppressed and robbed alway, and there shall be none to save thee.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
30 Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her; thou shalt build a house, and thou shalt not dwell therein; thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not use the fruit thereof.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
31 Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof; thine ass shall be violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee; thy sheep shall be given unto thine enemies; and thou shalt have none to save thee.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
32 Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail with longing for them all the day; and there shall be nought in the power of thy hand.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
33 The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed away.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
34 so that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
35 The LORD will smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore boil, whereof thou canst not be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the crown of thy head.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
36 The LORD will bring thee, and thy king whom thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation that thou hast not known, thou nor thy fathers; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
37 And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all the peoples whither the LORD shall lead thee away.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
38 Thou shalt carry much seed out into the field, and shalt gather little in; for the locust shall consume it.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
39 Thou shalt plant vineyards and dress them, but thou shalt neither drink of the wine, nor gather the grapes; for the worm shall eat them.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
40 Thou shalt have olive-trees throughout all thy borders, but thou shalt not anoint thyself with the oil; for thine olives shall drop off.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
41 Thou shalt beget sons and daughters, but they shall not be thine; for they shall go into captivity.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
42 All thy trees and the fruit of thy land shall the locust possess.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
43 The stranger that is in the midst of thee shall mount up above thee higher and higher; and thou shalt come down lower and lower.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
44 He shall lend to thee, and thou shalt not lend to him; he shall be the head, and thou shalt be the tail.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
45 And all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou didst not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep His commandments and His statutes which He commanded thee.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
46 And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
47 because thou didst not serve the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, by reason of the abundance of all things.
48 therefore shalt thou serve thine enemy whom the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things; and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
49 The LORD will bring a nation against thee from far, from the end of the earth, as the vulture swoopeth down; a nation whose tongue thou shalt not understand.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
50 a nation of fierce countenance, that shall not regard the person of the old, nor show favour to the young.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
51 And he shall eat the fruit of thy cattle, and the fruit of thy ground, until thou be destroyed; that also shall not leave thee corn, wine, or oil, the increase of thy kine, or the young of thy flock, until he have caused thee to perish.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
52 And he shall besiege thee in all thy gates, until thy high and fortified walls come down, wherein thou didst trust, throughout all thy land; and he shall besiege thee in all thy gates throughout all thy land, which the LORD thy God hath given thee.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
53 And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters whom the LORD thy God hath given thee; in the siege and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall straiten thee.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
54 The man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil against his brother, and against the wife of his bosom, and against the remnant of his children whom he hath remaining.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
55 so that he will not give to any of them of the flesh of his children whom he shall eat, because he hath nothing left him; in the siege and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemy shall straiten thee in all thy gates.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
56 The tender and delicate woman among you, who would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil against the husband of her bosom, and against her son, and against her daughter.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
57 and against her afterbirth that cometh out from between her feet, and against her children whom she shall bear; for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly; in the siege and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemy shall straiten thee in thy gates.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and awful Name, the LORD thy God;
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
59 then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
60 And He will bring back upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast in dread of; and they shall cleave unto thee.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
62 And ye shall be left few in number, whereas ye were as the stars of heaven for multitude; because thou didst not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
63 And it shall come to pass, that as the LORD rejoiced over you to do you good, and to multiply you; so the LORD will rejoice over you to cause you to perish, and to destroy you; and ye shall be plucked from off the land whither thou goest in to possess it.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
64 And the LORD shall scatter thee among all peoples, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; and there thou shalt serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou nor thy fathers, even wood and stone.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
65 And among these nations shalt thou have no repose, and there shall be no rest for the sole of thy foot; but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and languishing of soul.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
66 And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear night and day, and shalt have no assurance of thy life.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
67 In the morning thou shalt say: ‘Would it were even!’ and at even thou shalt say: ‘Would it were morning!’ for the fear of thy heart which thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
68 And the LORD shall bring thee back into Egypt in ships, by the way whereof I said unto thee: ‘Thou shalt see it no more again’; and there ye shall sell yourselves unto your enemies for bondmen and for bondwoman, and no man shall buy you.
(because you didn’t do what I told you to)
69 These are the words of the covenant which the LORD commanded Moses to make with the children of Israel in the land of Moab, beside the covenant which He made with them in Horeb.
Have a WONDERFUL DAY!
That is why Facebook Mania became a Facebook Fast. That is why my blackberry has been so busy sending and receiving messages multiple times every hour. But pardon me while I fart.
Here I am at one of the most famous facilities for operating on hernias in the world – the Shouldice Hospital which is located in the York Region of Ontario in Canada. Come here and put on the fancy blue hospital outfit. Get a shave from one of their expert nurses. They will shave the hair from your groin area all the way up to your navel. Then go down into the cold room with all the beds and allow the mind altering drugs to take effect as you wait for the experienced surgeon and his knife.
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