Contrary to the claims of Richard Dawkins, self-promoting atheist and heathen worshiper of the gnarly cucumber, God does exist. This has been proven beyond a doubt through many peer reviewed trials. I wish these nasty atheists would read the literature.
But there remains a problem, which I am sure the more sensitive among you will have noticed. God is very distracted. She has been distracted since just after the very beginning. If I were to venture a guess I would conclude that God is highly distractive with marked mood swings. She starts things and often destroys them when She gets frustrated. Although She is purportedly omniscient (according to Her psycho-vocational testing results), She persistently does not use the full range of Her abilities. She also seems to disappear for decades or centuries at a time. When evil reigns She always blames others for this which points to a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She has many defenders who constantly bleat about the need for evil in order for free will to exist. We can ignore this falsehood for the purpose of this assessment.
I would have to say that God, in all Her Glory, has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and is suffering from mood lability. It is also true that God presents as a diagnostic challenge in that She is not a being in the usual sense of the word. I cannot say at this time what is an appropriate course of treatment since God is incorporeal and we can only speak in metaphors here. God is, by definition, the supernatural creator and chief executive officer of the universe. Theologians have ascribed a variety of attributes to the many different conceptions of God (possibility of Dissociative Identity Disorder.) The most common among these include omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence, omni-benevolence, divine simplicity, and eternal and necessary existence.
God has also been conceived as a personal being, the source of all moral obligation, and the “greatest conceivable existent”. These attributes were all supported to varying degrees by the early Jewish, Christian and Muslim theologian philosophers, including Maimonides, Augustine of Hippopotamus, and Al-Ghazali news affiliates, respectively. She is also known as the toughest Kid on the block who can play well with others at times but can suddenly turn into a Bully issuing 98 terrible curses in morbid detail when things don’t go Her way. She has not always been a very good role model for Her creations.
The only thing I can recommend is prayer as a first course of action. I don’t know what kind of prayer but medicine is not going to help Her. She seems to respond to prayer and negotiations in the Books of Moses although the results have been mixed since then. Honestly I don’t really see much of a way we can rehabilitate God. But we can keep on trying.
Two sweeties acting on their parent's honest interpretation of God's commandments.
Illness, Religion
ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, benevolence, conceptions, divine simplicity, God, god's existence, mood swings, moral obligation, narcissistic personality disorder, necessary existence, omnipotence, Richard Dawkins, supernatural creator, theologians
While I try to figure out what to write, I thought I should provide Design Argument readers with a Goldstein Report so you could all know what is going on with the primary author of general content for this very busy blog.
First I would like to correct an assumption made by many readers that he will be opening a car dealership under the name Goldstein Auto or under the name Goldstein Subaru. He has no such plans.
Martin Goldstein is feeling much better than he was but his doctors and caregivers are encouraging him not to get back into the fray for some time. As he is not allowed to go near a computer under any circumstances a scribe is writing all emails and comments addressed to him with feather quill on parchment-cured, tanned, scraped and prepared according to exacting specifications and using the intricate calligraphic guidelines of Ashurite Script. When he is well enough, he reads the messages himself. When he is bedridden, a professional town crier shouts the messages to him.
He has fallen in love with one of the nurses at the hospital and is involved in a deep and intimate relationship with her. He has begun three new books, tentatively titled: “If God is so good from a human point of view, then why is God so bad from a human point of view?” and “A Competitive Synergy: Jews for Jesus, Chabad, and Aish Hatorah.” and “Is the Glass Half Empty Or Is It Just Broken?”.
I will be posting poems in the very near future if such be the design of God.
Yours in Ed Sullivan,
Poetry Hammer
Martin Goldstein undergoing the highly controversial Gamma Orneation procedure performed by Nurse Crystal and her assistant.
Illness, Religion, Suffering
aish hatorah, aish.com, chabad, Design Argument, ed sullivan, goldstein auto, goldstein subaru, intimate relationship, jews for jesus, martin goldstein, Nurse Crystal, professional town crier
After the last few posts Martin Goldstein has too much irony in his blood and is in rehab. He has also received threats from some of the organizations that he has been posting about and this has resulted in further distress. He is going to lay low for an indefinite period of time. He wished for me to extend his appreciation to his many fans for their ongoing support.
I, Poetry Hammer, will be serving up posts for a while until Martin is better and feels safe to post again.
I will be working with other authors to provide you with continued high quality Design Arguments.
Goldstein wanted me to post this picture of one of the groups that he is working with at his rehab centre. Thank you for your understanding.
Classical Mechanics, Goldstein Solutions, Illness, Irony, Poetry Hammer, Suffering
design arguments, Goldstein problems, Goldstein Solutions, Irony, martin goldstein, ongoing support, Poetry Hammer, rehab centre
Sources say that there is no stopping this grandmother from sending these types of email. Critics are concerned that it will cause alarm and misdiagnosis.
According to Dr. Lindsay Peterborough of the Ernest Borgnine Centre for Influenza Studies, you can send any email to this particular grandmother and she will send you information on Swine Flu whether it is relevant to your original email or not. “For example you could be asking for her help in dealing with your children’s behaviour and instead of responding to your message she will send you a comparative list of the differences between the common cold and the H1N1 virus,” said Dr. Peterborough.
More to come on this and other stories here at Design Argument News.
Communication, Design Argument, Illness, News
Centre for Influenza Studies, common cold, Design Argument, email, ernest borgnine, grandmother, H1N1 virus, influenza, misdiagnosis, swine flu, unsolicited email
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