Tag Archives: jews for jesus

aish hatorah Beauty Communication Content Opportunity jews for jesus

Supreme Court Rules Goldstein Can “Defame” Aish HaTorah and 5WPR According to God’s Will

“You seem to be obsessed with my firm.”

Content Opportunity, December, 23, 2009 - Martin Goldstein and the Design Argument Initiative were very pleased that Canada’s top court yesterday issued a landmark ruling giving journalists, and others – including bloggers – who are publishing public interest information, a new and broader defence of “responsible communication” in cases where they may be sued or threatened with libel.

The new defence of “public interest responsible communication” recognizes that some factual errors may occur in day to day journalism but it makes provision for them to be excused when they occur in the “publication is on a matter of public interest” and when “the publisher was diligent in trying to verify the allegation.”

The Man Who Hears Things

“This gives me more liberty to say whatever I want about groups such as Aish, Chabad and Jews for Jesus,” said Goldstein at a champagne celebration he was was attending at the mansion of “the man who hears things”.

“The groups that Goldstein has been targeting are self-interested organizations that have deceived themselves into thinking that they are working for the benefit of their target market,” said a drunken Poetry “the Hammer” Hammer from the large indoor-outdoor swimming pool at the mansion of “the man who hears things.” Poetry Hammer claims that the actions of these missionizing groups would be completely heinous if it wasn’t for the fact that the people that they target have free will. “However, it is similar to multi-level marketing in how they get people involved. I feel ill when I think about it all. It could be that I drank too much mashka at the Chabad farbrengen at the Saint Menachem Mendel Centre for Rehabilitation and Harlotry.”

From Gawker.com:

“Incompetent flackery factory 5WPR has admitted to the internet sock puppetry we covered yesterday—posting fake comments on a blog on behalf of a client. That client, by the way, is a kosher slaughterhouse called Agriprocessors, which has long been under fire for workplace safety and immigration law violations. 5W CEO and paragon of employee satisfaction Ronn Torossian told The Forward that an investigation is underway to determine who’s responsible for the fake comments. But even though Ronn is a friend to Israel, he already has a Rabbi scared for his own safety. Shame! Incompetent shame:

Two of the postings in question were made in the name of Rabbi Morris Allen, a prominent critic of Agriprocessors and the founder of the Conservative movement’s Hekhsher Tzedek initiative, which is attempting to create ethical standards for the production of kosher food. The first of the comments purporting to come from Allen appeared with his name misspelled. The second, which was made midday on July 9, came at the same time that Allen was presiding over the funeral of his aunt in Omaha, Neb.

Grade-A flackery, that.

Allen told the Forward that the postings left him concerned for his safety and for the reputation of Hekhsher Tzedek.

“I’m increasingly concerned about my own safety because if you begin to engage in this kind of behavior, I just wonder where it ends,” he said.

Now they plan to sue 5W! And the blogger who originally uncovered the trolls spoke to a 5W VP who blamed the entire thing on a foolish intern. We’ve emailed him also, but haven’t heard back yet. We did hear back from Ronn late yesterday though, who said:

I am in mexico with my family. Just saw your note but as you have already posted, clearly my reply doesnt interest you. You seem to be obsessed with my firm.

Noted!”

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aish hatorah chabad jews for jesus

I return to blog

I am much better and can now blog from the Saint Menachem Mendel Centre for Rehabilitation and Harlotry checkers and playing cards room which was donated by The Jerusalem Fund of Aish HaTorah and the Clarion Fund. According to Clarion Fund’s incorporation papers, it is based at the same address as Aish Hatorah. The three founders of The Clarion Fund are or were full-time employees of Aish HaTorah. Raphael Shore, the leader of The Clarion Fund is also a full-time employee of Aish HaTorah. The Clarion Fund has collaborated with pro-Israel media watch organization HonestReporting in the production of its films. HonestReporting originally was a project of Aish Hatorah. Scandal! Scandal!

Of course I appreciate the room as it is a good space in which to use my laptop with high speed internet. Everything happens by God’s design, his intelligent design including the number of references to Aish.com, Aish Hatorah, Clarion, Ronn Torossian, 5wpr and the ludicrous assumption that Aish is apolitical. I have no doubt that this was all predicted in the famous Bible Codes which are used to impress Jews and make them not want to hook up with non-Jews.

My legs are sore. They are so sore! I have been running around the Saint Menachem Mendel Centre for Rehabilitation and Harlotry like a crazy man because I want to be fit for Nurse Crystal, my new love.

I am working on a piece about the strategic marketing alliance that Chabad and Jews for Jesus are entering into. I am pleased that this is happening since they have so much to offer each other. This venture may include the new group Jews for Ed Sullivan.

That is all the content that I will provide for now. Let this be a Clarion call for Truth, Beauty, Honesty, and Lovingkindness.

Nurse Crystal gets dinner ready

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Illness Religion Suffering

Goldstein Report

While I try to figure out what to write, I thought I should provide Design Argument readers with a Goldstein Report so you could all know what is going on with the primary author of general content for this very busy blog.

First I would like to correct an assumption made by many readers that he will be opening a car dealership under the name Goldstein Auto or under the name Goldstein Subaru. He has no such plans.

Martin Goldstein is feeling much better than he was but his doctors and caregivers are encouraging him not to get back into the fray for some time. As he is not allowed to go near a computer under any circumstances a scribe is writing all emails and comments addressed to him with feather quill on parchment-cured, tanned, scraped and prepared according to exacting specifications and using the intricate calligraphic guidelines of Ashurite Script. When he is well enough, he reads the messages himself. When he is bedridden, a professional town crier shouts the messages to him.

He has fallen in love with one of the nurses at the hospital and is involved in a deep and intimate relationship with her. He has begun three new books, tentatively titled: “If God is so good from a human point of view, then why is God so bad from a human point of view?” and “A Competitive Synergy: Jews for Jesus, Chabad, and Aish Hatorah.” and “Is the Glass Half Empty Or Is It Just Broken?”.

I will be posting poems in the very near future if such be the design of God.

Yours in Ed Sullivan,

Poetry Hammer

Martin Goldstein undergoing the highly controversial Gamma Orneation procedure performed by Nurse Crystal and her assistant.

goldstein treatment

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Irony Messiah Religion

Jews for Jesus controversy heats up as fringe Ed Sullivan group gathers steam

Jews for Jesus Executive Director David Brickner is calling for calm and unity in the wake of controversial evidence that Ed Sullivan is the true Messiah.

“It is absolutely absurd to say that Sullivan or any other variety show host is the true Messiah,” exclaimed an exhausted Mr. Brickner. “It is impossible that he would even qualify since he doesn’t fit the traditional criteria for a Messiah and he, like many other Messianic candidates before and after him, didn’t complete his job as Messiah before his death in 1974.”

RetroEd_SullivanSullivan hosted a weekly variety show, The Ed Sullivan Show, which aired from 1948 until 1971. For about a decade before he died many of his television followers were convinced that he was the Messiah. This was not merely due to his awkward mannerisms and deadpan delivery nor with his visits to the puppet Topo Gigio, that little Italian mouse. He fulfilled many prophecies including introducing the Beatles to North American television audiences and banning the Rolling Stones from his show after they came on stage dressed in Nazi uniforms with Swastikas. After his death, most people stopped considering him to be the Messiah until the compelling evidence brought forth in recent days.

“The last thing we wanted to do was create a schism.” said a Jews for Jesus member who spoke on condition of anonymity. “We had hoped that the overwhelming evidence that Ed Sullivan is our Saviour and the Son of Man referred to by Daniel would persuade all of our brothers and sisters that Ed is the Man. We regret this but it looks like there will be a new group called Jews for Ed Sullivan.”

Critics of the supporters of the Ed Sullivan for Messiah campaign point out that he did not fulfill all of the criteria of the Messiah. Susan Perlman, Director of Communications for Jews for Jesus said “it just doesn’t add up. Sullivan did not gather the Jewish people from exile and return them to Israel. Neither did he rebuild the temple or rule at a time of world peace. These people should know this stuff backwards and forwards. It is all laid out in Ezekiel Chapter 37, verses 24-28. I mean, it is getting to the point where I am referring people to Jews for Judaism’s website so they can get this Messiah stuff straight.”

Members of the new Jews for Ed Sullivan splinter group insist that they will carry on regardless. They will create many offices around the world, launch many websites, stand at street corners and share the Good News about Ed Sullivan. They will unabashedly wear Jewish prayers shawls, eat challah and gefilte fish on Friday nights, refuse to pitch in the World Series on Yom Kippur, and sit in booths during the Feast of Tabernacles. “We can be authentically Jewish while accepting Ed Sullivan as the true and revealed Messiah. We believe that Ed Sullivan the Messiah will return personally in order to consummate the prophesied purposes concerning His kingdom.” stated the Jews for Ed Sullivan representative.

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Classical Mechanics Goldstein Solutions News Religion

Solutions to Goldstein problems and the matter of Oral Roberts

Oral Roberts, classical mechanics, and a swirling cloud. A famous evangelist passes away from this earthly plane while Goldstein problems and Goldstein solutions are presented as if they were a gift to a man half asleep yet having an axe to grind.

goldstein ax to grindBenjamin Franklin stated, long before Aish.com or even the internet was a gleam in the industrial evolution’s Darwinian eye, that grinding an axe requires a grindstone. And ye better be having a grindstone if ye be wanting to grind yer axe.

In 1779 Ben Franklin sent a story called ‘The Whistle’ to his friend. It was about a child who paid more than he should have for a whistle and was later sorry for his lack of caution. Franklin’s autobiography, written between 1771 and his death in 1790 and first published in 1791, also contains an anecdote concerning a man who asked a smith to sharpen his ax especially well and ended up doing the work of turning the grindstone himself. Neither story mentions the phrase “an ax to grind”.

So who knows?

As to the evangelist Oral Roberts, founder of the Oral Roberts Evangelistic Association and Oral Roberts University, well he died Tuesday from complications of pneumonia in Newport Beach, California at the age of 91. He had an incredible career in the business of religion. His acumen was legendary and inspired the evangelical pursuits of some of the great “outreach organizations” such as Jews for Jesus, Jews for Judaism, Aish Hatorah, and Chabad just to name a few. He will be missed. Aish Hatorah and Chabad were contacted for a comment about the passing of this great man but neither organization could find anyone that was not too choked up to make a comment.

Ring my friend I said you’d call Oral Roberts,
Day or night he’ll be there anytime at all Oral Roberts.

Oral Roberts, you’re a new and better man,
He helps you to understand,
He does everything he can, Oral Roberts.

If your down he’ll pick you up Oral Roberts,
Take a drink from his special cup Oral Roberts

Oral Roberts, he’s a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need,
No one can succeed like Oral Roberts

Well, well, well your feeling fine,
Well, well, well, he’ll make you Oral Roberts

My friend works for the national health Oral Roberts,
Don’t take money to see yourself with Oral Roberts

Oral Roberts, you’re a new and better man,
He helps you to understand,
He does everything he can Oral Roberts

Well, well, well, your feeling fine,
Well, well, well, he’ll make you Oral Roberts

Ring my friend I said you’d call Oral Roberts (2x)
Oral Roberts!

As far as the Goldstein solution? Your guess is as good as mine but I like to think that a cloud swirl picture will suffice when words fail. Could it be a bomb that we are looking at here? Is that what the cloud of glory is?

cloud swirl goldstein solution

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Messiah Proof Religion Truth

Rebbe or Ed Sullivan is the King of the Jews according to studies

In a recent study performed by the Content Opportunity Consortium, the weight of evidence seems to indicate that the Rebbe is the Moshiach (Messiah) and the King of all of the Jews.

The Content Opportunity Consortium is a broad-based apolitical organization including Scientists and Engineers for America, Rush Limbaugh’s Excellence in Broadcasting Network, the Rush Deniers Collective, Jews for Judaism, and a cute girl with a pet reptile.

The study, completed in November, 2009, contains quantified evidence pointing to the true identity of the Moshiach. Not all of the information is being released at this time. According to Al “The Baker” Carlson, founder of the Rush Deniers Collective, “We have determined that a Rebbe is the Moshiach but we are not clear which Rebbe. There are hundreds of Rebbes and only one of them is the King of all the Jews. I think it might be the Satmar Rebbe, or maybe the Vizhnitz Rebbe, although my money is on the Slonimer Rebber. Or maybe it is another Rebbe. Oh, I don’t know. Quote somebody else. I get nervous with a microphone shoved in my face.”

Jews for Jesus, a scientific research organization that has worked with the Content Opportunity Consortium in the past, ran a similar study based on the same stringent methodology and found that the Messiah is, in fact, Ed Sullivan which actually confirms their belief system prior to the study. Although Jews for Jesus believes that Ed Sullivan did indeed die in 1974, they still believe that he will return as the messiah. They point to various sources in religious tradition that can be interpreted as allowing for such a possibility. They also emphasize the belief that the classic meaning of death does not apply to a truly righteous celebrity in the entertainment industry. In this view Sullivan never “died” spiritually despite his physical death, and is still alive in some way that ordinary humans cannot perceive. Thus they believe that while Sullivan is dead he will later return to be revealed as Messiah.

Surprise!

ed_sullivan-gal-villain

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