It seems important to lose things.

Not keys.

Not forgetting the name of the officer that just arrested you for indecent exposure. But – THINGS. ALL THINGS.

That is why Facebook Mania became a Facebook Fast. That is why my blackberry has been so busy sending and receiving messages multiple times every hour. But pardon me while I fart.

Another way of expressing it is that accumulating things will make you very heavy. You need to be nimble, light on your feet, ready to pounce, ready to run. Ready to empty your mind in the face of the Noisy One. On the grand path to the Nameless One. PERFECT. (There is such a thing as “perfect” and I can prove it in three minutes.)

Here I am at one of the most famous facilities for operating on hernias in the world – the Shouldice Hospital which is located in the York Region of Ontario in Canada. Come here and put on the fancy blue hospital outfit. Get a shave from one of their expert nurses. They will shave the hair from your groin area all the way up to your navel. Then go down into the cold room with all the beds and allow the mind altering drugs to take effect as you wait for the experienced surgeon and his knife.

Don’t panic. They have done it thousands of times before. Yes, in a way you are a piece of meat on an assembly line; in a way the surgeons don’t care about you any more than they do the dried skin off the bottom of the heel of a remote relative. But, hell, they sure do seem to know what they are doing. And the food is better than the average hospital fare.

Some sayings and parables come to mind at this time – a time of morphine and middle-aged gentlemen (very few ladies). Please ignore errors to do with grammar or meaning.

In a world where constipation is the norm, even a small amount of flatulence is considered a victory.

I stink and that is a signal from the healing angels that I should get on with that sponge bath.

My parents were not religious and did not understand the laws of the Covenant. That is why I received a circumcision every eight days until I reached my Bar Mitzvah.

A man must master the art of dodging bullets. Nary a fool taketh a sponge bath in the hospital of his choosing than doth the wicked man cobble an unusual shoe.

Suppose a slush fund or an offshore account were offered ye. Would you not accept it with gratitude or would the offer become like a fish caught in the woolly hairnet of your moral quandaries?

There were many more but they were far less worth repeating than these.

Warning! This video contains a lot of red colours.